September Tale

Jump in – Anything goes – This too shall pass

Those never-ending days, that turn into never-ending weeks, and then, without even noticing, you are out of the month… This is how September looked. Even for a person like me, always up for something, abnormally active, that never sits still – and if I do, brace yourself because it is a whale of a time! it was way too much.

Lately, my life is a sort of “jump in – anything goes”. I have been trying to keep my routines, but they are so out of the usual schedule that don´t seem like routines anymore. I have been seamlessly jumping from excitement to exhaustion, and from exhaustion to excitement, in a crazy spiral in which I am not able to distinguish between them anymore. At some point I have even lost track – and sense – of time.

I could write a treatise on the theory of relativity (and very specially on wormholes and the event horizon), the effects of blue light in the circadian rhythms (bad!), the use of the words never and always (very bad!), the actual aspect of bilocation (me and my life), and the alchemy of mantras (this too shall pass, consciously tattooed in each of my days).

…To say the least…

I have been exploring emergency modes too – theory and different practices. Even in these circumstances, I am burning with curiosity. Prying eyes never rest! My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish – Ah, that glorious scene from the Gilmore Girls! You can´t miss this: https://youtu.be/Ula6EzP0cPY?si=c9NiuShTpKqR-ciI.

See? My brain is actually a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. Where was I? …To say the least…? No, no, let´s avoid ellipses. They seem to me an extreme sport right now. I am in emergency mode. That was it! Meaning focus on a few critical tasks. How many are a few? Three to five. Here we go!

(…)

And this is precisely the moment my brain has chosen to stop. Can you believe it? I don´t even know where to start. Is it “just life” included in the list? Come on, girl! Get it together! Just three to five things for today!

Wow! I already have a list of ten things and growing!

I am recapping and summarizing. And in the process of concentrating on less, more comes out. How is it even possible that I am doubling when I am reducing?

What if I look at the week? Oh my gosh! No, I better not think about the week.

Coming back. One step at a time. What if I do reverse engineering? I am starting over with a long list and then I will take three. And now I have a list that doesn´t even look human. All that? How on earth and even heaven am I going to manage being just a simple human being? All my alarms have gone off. Abort! Abort!

Oh boy, do I hate lists! Am I adding something that I really don´t like and don´t have to do to my very impossible day just now? Why would I do that to myself? Because now I am fighting with the diligent girl in me who wants to explore how to make an efficient list. Theory and practice. That´s why. Do I need to remind her– me the anxiety that lists used to cause her – me?

Now I am really freaking out! And at this precise moment, in the midst of all this chaos, and while I am reviewing the previous paragraphs to find some light in how this story may continue, I realize I have a big smile in my face. This is me just being me! Which somehow comforts me.

And yes, it is a lot, way too much, sometimes simply impossible. But I am able to grow in chaos. And suddenly it is very clear to me that I don´t need an emergency mode – let alone an emergency list. I just need to embrace the chaos. And this I can summarize in two words: present continuous. It doesn´t matter how I go as long as I am going. I am going!

So jump in – Everything goes – This too shall pass. Wait a minute! Isn´t it a three-things list? So obvious since the very beginning that I have already jotted down a few lines above? I made it!

As I made it to this blog, which helps me to figure myself out, and keeps me company. And to this sunny Saturday, on this last day of September. I treat myself to this morning of the fall that has just begun. I too will change my leaves like the trees. Life is indeed a miracle.

I leave it here. On that note. And in this comfortable couch of mine, the only comfort zone that I practice. By the way, you don´t need to worry about any whale of a time coming. At least for now. I am peacefully doing photosynthesis. And, as in the famous movie, even Heaven can wait.